This is a really interesting story. How cool is that, that this guy gives free rides around the Poipu area? Kudos to you both for finding and then doing your story on this remarkable man. Through your story I do get a sense for why he does what he does. You've explained that well. You have some nice shots using the GoPro and your interviews were framed well. However your story lacks nat sounds. It's silent during all of your shots of his trolley. I don't hear anything and I think that hurts your story. The customers mentioned that he gets to meet new people each day so he obviously talks to them. But your footage doesn't have any nat sounds in it. I would have loved for you to have put a mic on him and just let him talk during his drive to see what he said to people. I bet you would have gotten some really good sound bites there. Technically there are some issues with color balancing on his interview and the audio in the male customer's interview doesn't sound right. I also see the mic cable on the outside of the female customer's clothing. Mic cables should always be underneath clothing. You also need to ask people to take off their sunglasses. That's also something that you should not allow in your interviews. I want to see their eyes. Some of your shots are out of focus. Some of your shots have you both in them as well. I think the biggest thing for me though was the lack of nat sounds. In your next story, be sure to include nat sounds from your b-roll as it helps tell your story. Silence is just unnerving. Having just one version of your script also didn't help. You want to have your script go through several rounds of revisions before it's actually due to iron out the weak spots. Let's also work on getting your script done well in advance so that you have more time to tweak it to make it better. Good to great! This is a good story as it stands....3.5 out of 4 which is a high B.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.